DEAR BROKEN-HEARTED WIFE,

I could have filled that introduction in with many different words: hopeless, angry, weary, victimized, aching, abused, barely breathing. But at the bottom of it all, my guess is that you are heartbroken. Your marriage has crumbled before you. Your dreams of growing old with your beloved husband have died. Your life is likely characterized by loss and ruin—words you never thought would epitomize your story. Maybe you feel like Naomi in the book of Ruth—asking to be called BITTER, “for the Almighty has made me very bitter” (Ruth 1:20). Life has shattered and the pieces feel impossibly broken. Can I tell you today that I get it? My story is not one that is all wrapped up with a pretty bow. Let me explain…

For fifteen years I was a pastor’s wife—most recently in Scotland where we planted a church. On the morning of December 1, 2016, the very worst was confirmed when multiple affairs came to light. Over the course of five months I lost everything—my beloved church family, many friends, the country of Scotland I had come to love, my home, my income, my stability, my dreams, my parenting partner. And then I lost my husband. I desperately wanted my marriage to work. I was blindsided by his decision to walk away. Over the following three months I sunk into utter despair and bitterness. I was consumed with anger, a desire for revenge, hopelessness and grief. I could barely care for my lovely daughters. I carried the banner BROKEN and BITTER. And then one day God stepped in and rescued me from the pit.

God set me free in the most unexpected way: forgiveness. He called me to forgive my husband. It felt completely impossible, but He equipped me and led the way, reminding me of the great forgiveness I had received from His Son, Jesus. Nothing in my circumstances changed that day—my marriage was still broken, I was still in the midst of an unwanted divorce, I was still full of grief and pain, but I changed that day. The bitterness was uprooted from my heart and God began to rescue and heal me in ways that I can only describe as extravagant.

Maybe your story has not tied up with a pretty bow either. Maybe the very worst has happened and you are at the bottom of the pit. What I found when I slammed to the bottom, broken shards of my life all around me, is that I had struck the ROCK of AGES.

The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms. (Deuteronomy 33:27)

God has RESTORED HOME. My home is now found in Him. I have found Him to be my Husband—perfect in faithfulness. He cares for my needs. He loves me without reservation and without end. His love is steadfast. He is a Good and Faithful Father to my children. He will never (ever, ever) forsake me. He has been enough. And I know He is enough for you too.

My life is hard. Day to day life is still heavy with grief and loss. My heart aches most every day over what I’ve lost and what I will never have. Solo parenting makes me feel vulnerable and fearful. I struggle with loneliness. I sometimes feel angry with God and disappointed with the life I have. Maybe you do too? I’m learning that He’s big enough to handle all of that—my pain, my anger, my grief. He has been teaching me to find rest in Him alone. I no longer have to go it alone. I can tuck myself under His mighty wings and find rest and refuge in Him (Psalm 91). My eternal HOME is in Him and I am secure and safe.

My heart is with you today. I hope you feel loved and safe here at Restored Home. I hope you find hope and healing here. I hope you feel like you have a seat at the table. I pray you see the Church striving to love and serve you well as you walk this broken path. You are so valuable and I’m so glad you’re here.

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

—Rachel

If forgiveness feels impossible today, I would encourage you to watch this video of Vaneetha Rendall Risner sharing her testimony of choosing to forgive the woman who had an affair with her husband. This is a powerful story of God’s love poured into a bitter and lonely heart.