Let’s Talk About Holidays
My 4 most painful moments happened while Christmas decorations decked my home.
As the calendar flips to November I feel a tightness in my chest. I tend to adopt a brace position in my heart & mind– waiting for the next blow. I dread inching through this season & getting the Christmas decorations out of storage. I cry a lot. This is a heavy & hard season for me.
But here’s what I’ve learned along the way: We have the capacity to hold immense grief & ever-growing hope at the same time.
I hold my grief in one hand because I have to. It’s present–an uninvited guest at my table. It shows up when I least expect it. It shows up when I most expect it, too. It’s there. I can act like it’s fine & it’s not that heavy, but that’s a big lie. It’s not fine & it is overwhelmingly heavy.
But I also hold ever-increasing hope. It’s present—a gift at my table. I had nothing to do with it. It is breathed into my heart day after day by my Prince of Peace. I hold this hope with white-knuckled ferocity because I never want to lose it. It is keeping me afloat. It is spurring me onwards. It is tugging my heart towards Home.
Some days (most days, really) the grief feels too heavy to carry & I just want to be rid of it. I wish I could shake it from my hands, but it’s stuck like glue.
Some days (most days, really) I feel like my hope is just a wisp. I’m afraid it will vanish from sight if I blink. I grasp tighter and tighter for fear it will slip away
But here’s what’s true. Jesus is in the midst of all of it—holding all things together (Col 1:17)-- both my drooping hand full of grief & my tight-fisted hand full of hope.
He wraps one strong hand around my grief and pulls it to His heart. He carries my grief tenderly. He is gentle with me.
He wraps His other strong hand around my hope & closes His fist tight. He reminds me my hope is Christ so it is immovable. It will not shift. It will never fade.
And He brings those hands together with unshakeable power. He wraps Himself around me in the tightest embrace & holds me together. He holds ALL of it together–my grief, my hope. All of it is held in His strong and tender hands.
(Part 1 of 3)