Let’s Talk About Memories
It happens all the time, doesn’t it? We are going about our business & all of a sudden a memory is triggered. When you’ve walked through abandonment & betrayal at the hands of your spouse, these triggered memories can be intruders, forcing their way to the forefront of your mind.
My husband left me six years ago. Since then, I’ve been confronted with countless memories, most carrying echoes of sadness, shame, confusion, nostalgia or dread. I wasn’t prepared for the need to question the REALITY of those moments when I reflect back. There was often deception, hidden behaviors, twisting of truth happening behind the scenes that I had not been aware of in the moment. There are incidents of hurt that now make sense. There was often self-blame that, in the light of hindsight, I can clearly see was misplaced. There are explanations today that I didn’t have in the moment.
On top of that there is the pain of wondering if what I was feeling in those moments was real. Was my love true? Was that joy fake? Was the love I felt I was receiving a figment of my imagination?
These are hard questions to face! We can drive ourselves mad as we analyze and sort through old memories. I’m not very far down the road, but here are some helpful steps I’ve learned along the way:
• Acknowledge the memory (and attached emotion) is real
• Lament your pain & confusion to God
• Remember that God was with you, knows reality & everything you were feeling/thinking
• Lay this heavy memory-burden down at His feet & leave it there with Him.
• Pray & ask God to neutralize this memory—to remove the sting & the pain
• Ask God to help you forgive if needed & then choose to forgive
• Fix your mind on “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable…excellent or praiseworthy”(Phil 4:8). I find the easiest way to do this is with worship music.
• Reach out to a trusted friend or mentor & ask for prayer, help and accountability with your thought life
• Repeat as necessary
Memories can sting, but God is stronger & can help us walk forward with peaceful minds stayed on Him.